If you hear my girls talking, you might get the impression that they have two brothers who wreak havoc wherever they go. My "tornadic-trio" blames their invisible brothers for drawing on the floor, spilling paint, not flushing the toilet, or losing a puzzle piece. Harold and Jeffery often ask embarrassing questions like, "What's a wedgie?" For some reason, they always forget what the answer is and the girls have to ask, "Harold forgot what a wedgie is, Mom!" (Now, if you ask me, I think Harold just likes to hear me say the word "underwear," but Harold is a complicated person.)
The other day, the girls and I were driving to the store. It was a quiet ride; we were listening to a great CD and singing. Suddenly, Jaynee starts yelling, "Haaroolld! Stop that! HAAAROOLDD! HAARROLDD!" I checked the rearview mirror (which I use only to watch the kids in the back seat instead of watching for cars behind me) and Jaynee is shaking her finger at invisible Harold in the seat next to her. She looks to me and says, "Mom, I am sooo sorry. Harold is being bad. He's . . . he's . . . he's taking off his seat belt. But don't worry. I told him to get it back on so we are all safe."
Okaaaay, I won't worry about invisible Harold flying into the windshield if I brake suddenly for a skunk in the road. Good thing Harold is strapped in. I mean, have you ever seen the mess an invisible brother makes when he smashes into a windshield?
My invisible sons, Harold and Jeffery, apparently accompany us everywhere. One time, I left Harold and Jeffery in the parking lot at Wal-Mart. "Mom! You have to turn back! Turn around! You forgot Harold and Jeffery!" cried Rilee.
"Where are they?" I asked.
"Look, Mom! They are waiting for us by the shopping basket you left! Hurry, Mom!"
So I did a 360, and whipped the big ol' van around and went back to our original parking spot. Bailee unbuckled, opened the door and yelled, "HAARROLD! JEEFFREY! Git in this car right now! You are sooo bad! Git in here and buckle up!" She reached her hand out and apparently pulled Harold and Jeffery in the van. "Can we go yet?" I asked.
"Mom, they are not buckling. HAARRROLLD! JEEFFRREY! Buckle up right now. Okay, Mom. I took care of it. They are buckled, and you can go now," commanded Bailee.
I am so glad we didn't leave Harold and Jeffery in the parking lot. I mean, anyone could have hit the invisible brothers, and, remember, invisible brothers make a horrible mess when they crash.
Right now, I have to go find something for Harold and Jeffery to wear to school tomorrow. Apparently, I didn't do their invisible laundry so they have no clean invisible socks or invisible jeans to wear.
Lots of people think we need a boy in our family to balance out all the estrogen surging through my house. Little do they know (or see, rather) that I have two invisible boys who make a huge invisible mess and eat invisible food and wear invisible shoes.
And, of course, I can handle two more kids, especially since I can't hear the invisible fights and see the invisible unmade beds!
[NOTE: This column is one of many from talented writer, mom and educator Holly Engel-Smothers, who will be sharing her tales of life with twins (and a twingle) with readers through this "TwinGrins" column, which will appear on a regular basis on TwinsTalk.]