By Mike Poff aka "The Quad-father"
Being the parents of multiples is an adventure. I know it has been for our family. Sure, there are days when the home front seems predictable and quiet. At our house, this is after multiple breakfasts, multiple showers, multiple tooth-brushings, multiple groomings and multiple lunch packings leading to one large group stroll to the bus stop to meet multiple buses. All this must be completed inside a 90-minute time frame or we are open to multiple drop-offs at multiple schools for our multiple children of multiple ages.
When this dust settles daily, you might think we settle back into the sudden tranquility of our rural Blue Ridge Mountain home. Well, sometimes, kind of depending on the schedule and our youngest little cherub. You see, my wife has 24 other children, all of whom are on the payroll of her company. I am, of course, the at-home dad of quadruplets plus three, so the schedule and our little angel, Alexandra (now age 23 months), can still require multiple attentions.
As unusual as this might sound to you, our family is a lot like yours I'd bet. Now you may only have twins or triplets. Perhaps you are expecting for the first time, or you might have quints or sextuplets on the floor before you. (If so, my hat is humbly off to you!) You might be a single parent, an at-home mom with a working father, or two working parents -- and the small bit you've read about our family here seems extreme. Even so, we all have the same 24-hours-in-a-day commitment to our children, and hopes of seeing some margin of success in the season of life our families find themselves in right now.
So, if I were to share a secret to our success to date, solely to encourage you, it would be twofold. First, it is about faith. And, second, it is about embracing the season you are in.
Without being too preachy, let me say simply that if you cannot embrace, conceive or rely on something greater than yourself, life will be hard. Life as a parent of multiples even more so. Faith has been our salvation. (Pun intended.) It is what helped us look beyond the gloomy statistics that expectant parents of "higher-order multiples" are given. It gave us strength when we had not slept for a solid two hours for weeks on end. It gave me purpose as a man of forty-plus changing endless diapers, washing endless loads and cooking endless meals at home. It comforted my wife Pam, as she would leave us on business to steward what was now our livelihood but not our provider. So from me to you as parents of multiples, faith comes recommended.
Embracing your season and situation might sound simplistic, but let me explain. Seven children with quads in the middle was never our goal, nor did this happen overnight. Our family life has had several incarnations. The trick is to play toward your strengths. Pam has not always been a successful business-lady and marvelous multi-mom or I a quad-father and domestic-diva-dude or whatever you might call me as long as you are kind.
We had to assess the cards on the table, our personal strengths and weaknesses, while embracing a mutual goal to succeed. From working parents of one with me traveling the Southeastern U.S., to working parents of two with me mostly in our home area and Pam starting her own company, to expectant parents of quadruplets with me at home, to seasoned forty-something parents of a lovely singlet daughter plus six with seven horses, six cats, five dogs and a taste for all things multiple -- we have purposed to see our seasons as multiple adventures.
Everything these days seems to mean something slightly different than it used to. Family and marriage are on the forefront of some of this ambiguity. All this seems a bit contrived, meaningless confusion that distracts us from the importance of being the best parents we can be. Whatever your family's number or configuration, it's not static. It's a season, and seasons come and go.
I can almost hear The Byrds singing "Turn, Turn, Turn" in the background. Of course, I also refer to our quads as "The Fab Four" from time to time. It's a Boomer thing, I guess. Still, regardless of our generation, situation or factor of multiplication, we are the only parents our children will have. We must settle our debates, tune out the distractions and get on with the business of making their childhood the best we possibly can. In this, we are all very much the same.
Before we can all blink in unison, their turn will come as mom and pop, and we will be the grandparents. The clock will not be stopping. By faith, Pam and I will try to keep it a successful adventure for them and for us, regardless of the season we find ourselves in. As for you and yours, please know the Multi-mom and the Quad-father believe you can, too. You might say, in this season, we have faith in you.
Mike is a freelance writer, at-home father of quadruplets plus three, and a regular columnist for Twins Magazine where he writes as "The Quad-father." His wife Pam owns a medical case management company that operates in four states in the Mid-Atlantic area. They have seven children ranging from 15 years to 23 months. Their quadruplets are now six and starting the first grade together. They reside at the "Crest of the Blue Ridge" near Big Island, VA.