I was just telling you how I had some friends over yesterday, one of whom has an 11 week old. I was telling my other friend who joined us, that I asked her if she was going to have another and my friend stopped me and said, "her baby is 11 weeks old, and you're already asking if she's going to have another one???" I couldn't believe I even did it. That was so annoying way back when! In my defense, we had been talking about houses - size and number of bedrooms, and outgrowing homes. It wasn't like I was a cotton head, anxiously awaiting another little bundle, even though I am a random stranger in Stop and Shop and will probably never see you or your baby again.
But I started remembering how quickly people were asking me if we were going to have more children. Of course I got the question WHILE I was still pregnant, which, c'mon now. But we also got the question while my boys were still in the NICU and I was a crazy lunatic! I wanted to scream, "How about we wait to see if these 2 make it first, huh?!?!?!?!" Now, I knew my babies would be OK, they had some issues, but relative to some of the other little cuties in the NICU, they were good. But I can say that now. Back then it was a whole other time and place and we were terrified. The NICU is scary no matter what, as is the unknown. And back then, it was all unknown to us. The fact was, they were still hooked up to oxygen to help them breathe (breathing is crucial to life), they had feeding tubes (eating is crucial to life) and reflux and some issues with their hearts that the doctors were watching closely(heart, again - crucial to life). In a nutshell, they were preemies, and had all of the concerns that go along with that. Looking back, it was a stressful time but we totally realize now just how lucky we are that our boys are healthy, happy, big, active and smart kids - you would never know they came early and started out in the NICU.
But rewind to our days spent in the NICU and imagine my state of mind (especially now, that you've gotten to know me a little bit!) when someone asked if we were going to have more children. I would think, "why, because these kiddos are damaged goods?", or "why, do you think I'm going to keep trying until I get a healthy one?" Of course I was irrational, (just like with the poor woman who tried to help me with my stroller in the parking lot that day) and I'm sure that people were just trying to make small talk, but c'mon now. What happened to asking about the weather? There were tubes coming out of BOTH of my children's noses, don't you think I might be a bit more concerned about them right now and not so much about knock
ing myself up again? To this day, I try to be a bit thoughtful (I know, hard to believe, but true) when talking to any parent because you just don't know what they have gone through or what they are going through at that time.
Once the kids were out of the hospital, it was the same thing. On the rare occasion I would travel with the boys (which was still only doctors appointments - Children's Hospital in Boston was a big day out for us! Hey, a trip to Boston is a trip to Boston, right? It's bright and colorful, and it was a longer day out of the house for us! Plus we LOVED our specialist there. He's another BFF in my mind. I am well aware that we are just patients to him, don't worry.) we would still get those questions. People would come up to us, I'm hoping because we had cute infant twins, and not to see what all the tubes were about. I'm sure it was a bit of both. People are curious, I'm guilty of that as well.
Plus the amnesia you get after you have babies, hasn't set in for my friend yet. You know what that is, right? I mean, the first few weeks/months after having a baby are pretty crazy. I will go so far as to say awful at times. Especially if you are in pain and have a slow recovery yourself or have babies who have medical issues, or are colicky or just plain fussy. I know in the beginning, I would talk to friends and we would wonder, who the hell would ever go through this again? And we all vowed we would never do it again. I know I didn't lovepregnancy, the squirrel attack was pretty brutal, the hospital stay was a bit un-nerving (creepy German doctor included) and the whole NICU experience was scary. Then add my recovery from a c-section, no sleep, no eating, 2 sick babies blah blah blah - really, why would anyone have more than one kid (or pregnancy)????? But eventually, your baby starts smiling and cooing at you and you realize it was all worth it, and they get bigger and you hold someone else's newborn, and think "oh, I miss when they are this little" and you become nostalgic for the tiny clothes, and the tiny fingers and toes and before you know it, you're preggers again, wondering how you let your husband talk you into this, with your big-ass belly and swollen ankles. Damn him! And no, I actually didn't feel any of this, so I still don't understand all you crazies out there with more than one! I had a one shot deal, so I lucked out!!!
You forget the belly, the swelling, the morning sickness, the delivery and those awful first weeks of no sleep. It's an amazing thing the body does, making you forget.....men have that too, but it includes how to load the dishwasher, do the laundry etc. (just joking men, if any of you are reading this. I'm sure my last post about boobs scared you off for good anyways!)
So I'm not sure if my friend wants more children or not, but I told her not to base her decision on the past 11 weeks because she will forget all the struggles, and sleepless nights soon enough. I have a feeling she already has, I've seen that little guy's big smile - he has her wrapped around his finger already! She'll have more, just like all you other crazies out there!!! And if I ask any of you if you're going to have any more you can hit me!
PS - I know you're not all crazy, I used to say if I could be guaranteed a girl, I would have another one. However, I know that with my luck I would end up with triplet boys! Come check out My TwinTastic Life at www.MyTwintasticLife.com