Let me start by saying that both of my twins get plenty of one-on-one attention from both my husband and me. And, yet, the green-eyed monster pops up in the most unforseen and challenging of circumstances. Last night my son was running a high fever. I rushed to urgent care with both my children in tow (I can only wish I had someone to leave my daughter with.)
My daughter, with whom I spent a lovely afternoon, threw a BIG and LOUD tempter-tantrum because I was holding and strocking her sick twin brother in the doc's office. She wanted me to hold and strock her instead. She screamed that she was sick too and pointed to a tiny healing scratch under her nose. Here I was, worried about my son's comfort--he was feeling achy all-over AND vomitting--and my daughter, who got PLENTY of attention from me earlier in the day, (including all the hugging and kissing that she wanted--and she wants to be hugged all the time) insisted on having me all to herself.)
Needless to say, none of the logical explanations (i.e. your brother is very sick and uncomfortable, I'll play with you later) did any good in terms of getting her to calm down. It was only after I gave her a hug and managed to hold both her sick twin and her that she finally stopped screaming. It seemed very unfair to my son to have to share my attention with his sister when he was feeling so poorly.
Wanted to see if anyone had any suggestions on handling this type of situation. Have you talked to your twin about similar behavior after the incident and what did you say? How did you explain to them what jealousy is? Mine are five-years-old and four months. I'm sure my daughter will grow out of this "age-appropriate" self-centerdness eventually, but I need to figure out how to help her handle these strong feelings of jealousy for the time being. As I am writing this post, I am already getting ideas of what to say to her. I know that ideally, it would have been better to have a babysitter for her at a time like this--but, who lives in the ideal world? .
I meant "jealousy," of course
Sorry for the typos. I don't always have the time to proof-read.
quiet talk
I definitely think you should sit down with her. It needs to be quiet, and make sure she's looking at you and understands. Remind her of the equal time you spend with her and her brother, and ask how she would feel if she was very sick and couldn't get all of your attention. Make sure you ask her to let u know she understands and ask questions about the conversation several times. 5 year olds have very short attention spans. Just my opinion, hope it helps.
We understand!
We understand completely! I fixed the typo in the title for you, though.
Susan M. Heim is the author of Chicken Soup for the Soul: Twins and More and It's Twins! Parent-to-Parent Advice from Infancy Through Adolescence.