I have twin girls who are starting middle school. THey are having a hard time keeping friends........which is a new thing for them. They really don't seem to care much, since they have each other. Is this normal? THey are attractive and smart and athletic............anyplace I can read about twins and their relationships with peers?
Twins in middle school
My identical girl twins are also experiencing this problem of making and keeping friends at their middle school --how to help? I see them turn towards each other as a clique but they want to reach out. ANy advice?
Twins Making Friends
This is normal for twins, but not necessarily healthy. It's great that they have a wonderful relationship, but they should also be encouraged to form outside friendships. I just posted an article about this topic at http://tinyurl.com/6zcap7. Perhaps you will find it helpful. At the same time, if they've just started middle school, they may just need a little time to settle in and make friends. Middle school can be a huge adjustment from elementary school and other kids can be tough. So sometimes they just need some time to find their social wings.
Susan M. Heim is the author of It's Twins! Parent-to-Parent Advice from Infancy Through Adolescence and Twice the Love: Stories of Inspiration for Families with Twins, Multiples and Singletons.
They have always had
They have always had friendships, but it has always been together. Never seperately. It was not planned that way. Just the way things worked out. Its just that lately the other girls seem to not want to hang out with them.........do you think they are intimidated by their closeness.............or something like that? Thanks for your help.
Intimidated by Twins
Middle school girls are notorious for being very clique-ish. I knew a mother who had to homeschool her daughter, who was a beautiful state baton-twirling champion, because the other girls were brutal to her because of jealousy. So, it's possible that some girls are intimidated by your daughters' "twinness" or closeness. It's been over two months since your last post. How are things going now?
Susan M. Heim is the author of It's Twins! Parent-to-Parent Advice from Infancy Through Adolescence and Twice the Love: Stories of Inspiration for Families with Twins, Multiples and Singletons.
Middle School and friendships
My fraternal twin daughters are now in their 2nd year at middle school. They went from a small (86 student K-5) elementary school, always in the same class to a huge (to us) middle school 850 or so kids, 6, 7, 8th graders. In our case, within a month they had "too many" new friends!
Somehow, now that they had some classes separately, they both formed new friendships rather quickly, and by their October birthday had a list of 50 kids they wanted to invite for a SLEEPOVER birthday party! They made up their own invitations, handed them out prior to our editing (forgot a few little details like pickup time the second day and RSVP), and we had no idea how many kids would show up AND they were all NEW people we had not met, from their NEW SCHOOL! We had no way to contact the parents, since the girls handed them out and did not even know last names of some of the kids, nor phone numbers or email addresses yet...
Needless to say, we had a fun party!!! My friend let us use her 2 BR vacant house in Santa Cruz (she was preparing it for sale). About 5 of the 25 or so girls who slept over stayed up ALL NIGHT but pretty much were decent. We had reserved one bedroom for kids who wanted to go to sleep, and the sleeping bags were put in there. We made sure everyone knew that room was sacred for SLEEPING only (about 5 of the girls had a soccer game the next morning). Others who wanted to watch a movie or talk or play cards or games, could do so in the living room. My husband and I took the second bedroom for ourselves (along with earplugs)!
The next day was a challenge. The soccer kids left at about 10 am. Then around noon, most of the others were picked up. But by 3 pm several were still with us and we had to drive an hour home from Santa Cruz, and we had to be somewhere at 5 pm.
Unfortunately, those five or 6 kids were unable to get in touch with their parents, and our cars were packed! Finally we rearranged our 2 cars and squeezed a few extra kids in with each of us...(they still had about 30-45 minutes ride home to their homes, once parents were reached.) Needless to say, by the time everyone got picked up at our house it was nearly 6 pm!!! We were late for the surprise party WE were supposed to attend at 5 pm, and exhausted.
BUT, the sleepover party was a nice way for the girls to bond with their new friends. We made sure THIS year to write RSVP REQUIRED onto the invitations (boys & girls dance party this year!) and a start and END TIME. It went very smoothly. All were picked up at the designated time this year, despite their 30-45 min. drive and pouring rain!
The moral(s?) of this story:
1. KNOW who the kids AND their parents are before having them sleep over (get parental phone/cell/email addresses whenever possible!)
2. make sure to require an RSVP and designate a pickup time so there is no confusion.
3. check/edit invitations before they go out (we tried, our girls just got too hasty!)
4. Have fun and laugh...!