Adopting Twins

What wonderful news! I really hope this works out for you and your husband. Most parents of twins find that they DON'T need two of everything. For instance, I would put one baby in the swing and the other baby in the bouncy seat, and then I would switch them when they got tired of being in the same place. If these babies are born soon, they will be small, so they can share a crib at first. You'll definitely want two later, but as newborns they can share unless they end up with fetal monitors or something that could be disturbed by sleeping with another baby. For now, you'll just need lots of diapers, clothes and bottles! And you'll want a double stroller. (I like tandem ones because they're easier to get down the store aisles and sidewalks.) The other stuff you'll figure out as you go along. But don't buy double everything right away. 

Susan M. Heim is the author of Chicken Soup for the Soul: Twins and More and It's Twins! Parent-to-Parent Advice from Infancy Through Adolescence.

I see you are adopting twins or are considering it. I am soooo jealous. We are just starting on this adoption thing and I am in no way ready financially to adopt but if I could tell you my dream it would be twins. One boy and one girl. I don't care about race. I am just afraid that I am shooting for the moon. Any advice?
I am so sorry for all your loses in the past. I hope this is it this time, for you and everyone else.
God Bless

I was wondering how your adoption process is going? We, too, were approached to adopt by a birthmom we know and I'm trying to find out the process and cost in doing so. Just wondering how it's going and what steps you've taken. Also, out of curiosity, what state are you in?

Thanks,
Liz

First thanks for the question, second I apologize as I am very much someone who tells it like it is, leaves NOTHING out and will give the good and the bad about things (a left over from my days as an attorney)...so now to answer your question. I was raised in an abusive home, paid my way through college with 3 jobs, survived law school and the bar, worked in three different law offices where I had to prove myself and none of those things have been as difficult as bring home 14 month twins who have never heard English, have jet lag, no clue what has happened to them and refuse to sleep as they seem to be worried about what may happen if they do. Not only do you have to worry about one personality, but there are two and in my case they could not be more opposite yet more the same -- two sets of attachment issues, two sets of eating to worry about, two sleeping schedules, and if these are not your first children you have no one to help "entertain" them. Then you have the logistics of how do you get to children to the car in a snowstorm or a heat wave and not be called by child protective services, can you grocery shop by pulling a shopping cart and pushing the double stroller (contrary to popular belief these things are not easy to maneuver), are you prepared to throw all of the attachment books you have been scouring your whole wait out the window because you cannot survive without help and that means sometimes someone helps you feed and carry them or even rock them to sleep, on that same line are you prepared to have attachment take much longer than with just one, and the biggest thing I didn't realize until I had to do it are you prepared to stay home with them for at least a year (I now see the importance of this - though I didn't until I brought them home)? Oh yeah and don't let me forget that if they are true twins you can almost bet the house that they were premature - are you prepared for the possible medical issues that could arise (or could not) and if they are virtual twins (not biologically related at all) are you prepared for the issues that come with that (I cannot speak to this but have some friends who can as they have virtual twins)? In short be prepared to get very little sleep; be covered in bodily fluids and/or food for days on end; shower only when they are both asleep or someone is helping; ask for help from not only your spouse (who will be required to help as there is really no other way to survive) and others (friends and family); and generally not be able to clean your house or cook a decent meal for about three months....then you are prepared to bring home internationally adopted twins BUT now that I have mentioned all of the hard parts lets talk about the rewards. Have you ever had four little arms reach out for you to give you a hug that wraps you up so tight you think that you have died and gone to heaven? Have you ever rejoiced in first steps and been sad to see that milestone gone only to realize it will not be long before you are rejoicing in that milestone again? Have you ever heard your children "talking" to each other and just laughing in delight? What about double slobbery kisses? Or to hear two mama's at the same time? How about cuddled up for a nap where your blanket is one 14 month old on one side and another on the other? Heard contagious laughter in stereo? If the answer is no then you are totally missing out. Twins are so twice the fun just as much as they are twice the work. You never have to compete with your husband as to who gets to hold the baby (they will decide which favors which parent), this may sound a bit cliche but your child ALWAYS has a playmate and sometimes this is helpful, you get to experience every milestone in double as in first words, first teeth, first steps and so many more. At our house at least if one does not like it the other one will though usually they both like it! Your world will never be the same if you never hear twice the contagious laughter over only they know what, or have twice the kisses and hugs, or have two little voices asking for you! Nothing may have ever prepared me for raising twins but I would only let someone take them away over my dead body -- no one and I mean no one better come between me and my children. For the first six months my husband and I would look at each other and say NEVER again will we adopt twins, but recently we realized that not only would we do it again we might actually be better at it next time, we know all of the trade secrets now, that and the two we have already would be a wonderful big brother/big sister! Don't get me wrong we are not searching this situation out at this time but we would not count it out now. If someone came to me and said I have the opportunity to adopt twins internationally should I do it -- I would ask them if they were prepared for all the ups and downs that they would have and do they have a support network - if they said yes to both of those questions I would say then do it and don't hesitate to contact me if you need some advice and support because if it had not been for another mom who had been there done that supporting me I am not sure that I would be where I am at today. So in short my advice would be (1) ask for help LOTS of help (2) be prepared for the good and the bad days (3) one spouse needs to take at least one year off from working - if you want to know why I think this then let me know and I will gladly say why (4) use the months leading up to them coming home to make meals and freeze them to make meals easy for the first few months (5) stock up on the basics that do not expire quickly (6) find a friend or someone who you can meet at the local park or mall to just walk around with the babies as you will need out of the house and to talk to an adult that is not your husband and finally be prepared to love and be loved more than you have ever in your life! If you decide to go this route know that I am always here for you! And feel free to ask any more questions that you may have! You can e-mail me privatly if you like as well!