When your twins are ready to start school, the big question is always whether they would be better off in the same class or different classes (assuming there is more than one class in their grade level at that school). First of all, you should know that you may not have a choice! Some schools require that twins be placed in separate classrooms. If you'd prefer that your twins be in the same class, you'll want to do your research well before it's time for the kids to start school. You may choose to move your children to a school that is more willing to work with your request, or you may wish to explore your options to fight the policy, as did Wendy M. Haavisto of Minnesota. When her boy/girl twins were forced into separate classes at the start of first grade, she took her fight all the way to the state legislature, where a bill was signed into law on May 5, 2005, giving parents of multiples the right to choose whether their children should be placed in the same or different classrooms. Since then, many other states have passed similar laws (including my home state of Florida).
With that in mind, and assuming you DO have a choice, you should know that there are advantages and disadvantages to both options.
If you feel your twins would do better together, but your school has a strict policy of separate classrooms-and you don't feel you have the resources to fight it or move-consider taking a "wait-and-see policy." Some families are pleasantly surprised at how well their twins adjust to separate classrooms after a period of time. Ideally, make sure you know your school or district's policy as it relates to twins several years before your children start kindergarten (or a new school) so you can pursue the choice that's right for your family.
Comments
"Your children will
"Your children will experience equal instructional quality. One won't get the "bad teacher" while the other benefits from one who's better qualified."
The problem with this scenario is that there's the possibility that BOTH would get a poor instructor!
We've had one child have a better teacher one year, and the other have a better teacher the next year. It seems to all balance out in the end.
I think that trying to make everything the same or "equal" for twins is impossible. Each person is and individual, and how each child interprets and uses information and experiences is going to be entirely unique, no matter how much anyone tries to make the situation exactly the same, it cannot be perceived exactly the same by the two children.
I don't believe it's a good idea to have twins in the same classroom. As parents, we want to help our "shy" or perceived "weak" twin by having them backed up by the twin who is perceived as more extroverted or outgoing, but it's really a raw deal for both children. The more confident child has to always be concerned about looking out for the less confident child; and the introverted child is hurt in the long run, because he or she "crutches" on the sibling. It's not fair to them to be in the same classroom if it can be avoided.
However, I don't feel that school systems should force parents into separating their children if the parents do not wish to have their children in separate classrooms. Although I'm against having twins in the same classroom personally, I think it's up to parents to choose.
Twins in Separate Classrooms
Darla makes some really good points. My twins are in the same Pre-K classroom, but there's only one class for their time slot so they must be together. However, I really hope they'll be in separate classrooms for kindergarten. Both my boys are smart, but one really likes to show it off and jump in with the answer before his brother, who then doesn't get a chance to show people what he can do. I think they'll be evaluated more fairly as individuals in separate classrooms.
Susan M. Heim is the author of It's Twins! Parent-to-Parent Advice from Infancy Through Adolescence and Twice the Love: Stories of Inspiration for Families with Twins, Multiples and Singletons.
Twins in the same class
I have b/g twins going into first grade. I decided to keep them together last year. I'm so glad I did! Going from the "momma's nest" of preschool to full-day kindergarten was a big adjustment, and having that sibling support really helped. My two don't typically play with each other, or even the same kids, at school, and are very different and independent people. It's worked out well for us. Homework--of which there was much--was easier b/c they had the same assignments and the same amount. I did make sure to sit individually with them for homework, though, because with some of the assignments they would tend to work out loud!
I had planned to separate them for first grade, but as it turns out, their school is set up so that K-1 are in the same class, so they have the same teacher and half of the same classmates for two years in a row. It didn't seem fair to separate them and make one leave his/her friends. For the 2-3 classes, we will most likely separate, but will discuss it with them and let them have input on that.
As an aside, during preschool, I asked their teachers in the beginning of the year to observe them and give me their input about separating or keeping together for kindergarten. They both said my two would be fine together. Had they suggested separation, I would have probably done so!
Twin Placement
My 2nd grade G/B twins were separated against our wishes this school year. We requested several meetings last year to meet with the principal regarding this issue and she refused to meet with us, then separated them. We were very upset-they have been together since Pre-school with no issues. Now, my daughter is having severe problems at school--mind you, there were NO concerns whatsoever the previous 2 years. Does anyone know of any research out there regarding separation anxiety and manifestations at school regarding seraration. I am also a school social worker and I feel very strongly that this is what is going on, but I can't find research to support this. My heart is breaking for my daughter. She is very bright, but is not doing any of her work at school, withdrawing at home and is very distractable at home and at school. Any help and suggestions would be greatly appreciated. My son on the other hand, is doing well, but he is the kind of kid that does great no matter what. I also want to add that for 2 weeks, my daughter cried herself to sleep every night becuase she wanted to be with her brother. All her teachers told the principal that they were very independant of eachother and had no concerns with them remaining together. She doesn't know why she wants to be with him, she just does. It's been really hard on our family. We are trying to remain positive, but with each report we get from the teacher, the more frustrated we get!
Alisha
How are your twins now?
Hi Alisha,
I was just wondering what happened with your situation. I have 1st grade b/g twins who are separated. They had no problems whatsoever in kindergarten being together, in fact they thrived. They did not depend on each other, had their own friends, etc. My son is having a terrible time missing his twin sister and now he says he misses me, too. Lots of crying at night, just like your daughter. I am wondering if we make him tough it out this year or if we should request to put them back together. My daughter is doing fine in her class but says she does miss him. I would love to hear from you and I pray that all worked out with your twins. God bless!
Hi Kate, I came across this
Hi Kate,
I came across this site after finding Susan on Twitter. I was excited to see that she has the site about twins. I'm 27 and have a twin brother - he's my absolute best friend and we do have that "twin bond." My parents separated us throughout elementary school. There were years I remember wishing we were in the same class, but once I reached middle school/high school I understood and appreciated the separation. We both were able to thrive and make our own friends.
My parents would throw birthday parties where there was an activity for boys and activity for girls - we'd go in separate rooms for those, but have cakes and open presents together. If anything, it allowed us to meet even more kids while at that young age. In my opinion, I've always been a bit stronger and independent than my brother, but I think we'd both agree that the separation was best for us in our adult lives to move forward and handle things on our own. We can still be a support for one another, but don't rely on each other entirely.
I hope this helps!
-Katy-
twin separation in school
Our girls are about to start 4th grade. The school has not given us any difficulty in the past about having our twins together. many of the reasons for having them together are exactly what is listed. we are fortunate enough to feel that we are not going to run the risk of a bad teacher.
Even at 9 our girls are still young and cant tell us why they want to be together, they just do. The talk of this in the house just brings tears to their eyes.
We had expected that as school required them to go to separate classes and have individual experiences then they would go their separate ways.
Very distraught I lost it in the principals office and told him that I feel as if his decision has been made and that we are wasting our time, the assistant principal has twins and they are forcing their views of separating twins upon us.
We are very upset about this, we have become concerned that the retribution upon our kids might become worse than trying to work through the forced separation.
Twin Placement
You should go to www.twinslaw.com. This is the website for the group that is leading the movement to pass a law in every state that gives parents of twins the choice as to whether their children should be in the same or different classrooms. I'm sure they have a lot of research that might be of use to you. You can contact their leader, Kathy Dolan, at kathydolan [at] nyc.rr.com.
Susan M. Heim is the author of It's Twins! Parent-to-Parent Advice from Infancy Through Adolescence and Twice the Love: Stories of Inspiration for Families with Twins, Multiples and Singletons.