By Susan M. Heim
Is it wrong for twins to want to be together? Of course not! The bond between twins is beautiful, and most parents melt at the sight of their twins holding hands or looking out for one another. This is wonderful and a real benefit for your children, who always have the loving support of their sibling. But, unfortunately, your twins must also grow up in the real world and learn to interact with other people. If one of the goals of raising children is to prepare them for adulthood and reality, then they need to be encouraged to develop close relationships with others.
One of the ways to facilitate getting to know other children is to treat your multiples as individuals and encourage them to pursue separate interests. If one child likes soccer and the other would rather play baseball, never make them choose one or the other. Allow them to take different classes or join separate teams even if it means more running around for you and your partner. This is beneficial because it will help your twins to make more friends with similar interests. And by being in social situations apart from each other, they're more likely to be seen as individuals rather than as part of a set. Joining a sports team also puts children in situations where they must cooperate with others -- a valuable social skill -- although twins already have an advantage in this as they've been learning to cooperate with each other all their lives!
Give your twins many opportunities to develop separate friendships. You might have Grandma pick up one for an outing while the other has a friend over. (Then switch places the next week.) Of course, if your twins are in separate classrooms, this may also encourage them to interact with other children. If your multiples are in the same classroom, talk to their teacher to see if they are interacting only with each other. If so, develop strategies with their teacher that will encourage your kids to play with others. Perhaps the teacher can place them at separate tables or on different relay teams. If children are asked to pick partners for school projects, they should be encouraged to pick a child other than their twin.
If one child is invited to an outing with a friend and the other isn't, don't necessarily jump in to ask that both children be allowed to attend, even if the uninvited child is upset. Use this as an opportunity to spend some one-on-one time with the twin who is staying home, or encourage this child to have her own friend over to the house. If your twins are close, reassure them that having separate friends doesn't mean that they have to give up their relationship with each other. One twin may feel more insecure than the other about "losing" her brother or sister. Let this child know that she will always have her twin, and that making friends is a natural part of growing up.
Developing social skills is an important part of the school years for all children. But this can be especially challenging for twins because they're accustomed to having their very own playmate with little effort on their part. With a bit of encouragement, your multiples can reap the benefits of having a best friend (their twin) by their side, as well as many other friends in the outside world.
Copyright 2007. Excerpted from It's Twins! Parent-to-Parent Advice from Infancy Through Adolescence, by Susan M. Heim